Jittery as a butterlfly: The diary of a crazed woman

This blog is full of random things. This story of my life will make you laugh, cry and wonder how someone like me made it into society half way normal. You will learn of my hopes and dreams and even know of my dissapointments.

Thursday, June 02, 2005


This is the same thing that I posted in my live journal...Since I am the same person in both journal worlds...Or however you want to say it...Not a whole lot is gong on...Except for what is written below..And I am going to want answers to all of it by Saturday!
Well tomorrow is my 19th birthday...Don't know if I am happy about that or not..Each year it has sucked, and with all the weird crap happening today, it seems as though it will be that way again this year...Yes WEIRD SHIT has been happening today..First thing, although my dad moved out and wants nothing to do with me, he sends me a Birthday Card ON TIME, with a gift card in it...Secondly, weird things are happening to my friends...Which I can't quite talk about...Third, I didn't study for my quiz today on CHEMISTRY and still got a 20/20...I SUCK at CHEMISTRY...Fourth, my mom has slept for the past two days straight...which isn't weird, but pisses me off, since tomorrow is our birthdays and it doesn't look like she will be getting up anytime soon...Fifth, Jackson asks if I am eating dinner at his house tonight, which I ALWAYS do...I ask why he asks that and he yells at me laughingly to not ask questions...So I don't know anymore..lol I wonder what the next few days shall bring...I will let you all know later...Talk to you guys later!~me~

Monday, May 02, 2005

The second to last Monday

Well this is my second to last Monday, which is why this entry is title like it is....I am soo happy...I think I didn't do well on this quiz, but my friend in the class gave me a copy of her quiz from last week. So I just need to study it and take the make-up quiz on Thursday...I basically have the answer key now..lol Which I was going to think was unfair, if I failed it on Thursday. It isn't my fault I missed class last Monday, why should I pay the price? I mean I do every other time this happens, it is about time it changes..lol
Well Jackson is back and I am very very happy. I missed him bunches. He was going to go with me to the hospital today, but my mom called and told me it wasn't a good idea that I go. I guess my grandpa looks pretty bad, which tubes and everything sticking out. He also doesn't look good in the face and all...She knows I would cry if I saw that. So I am told to wait until at least Wednesday to go down. I hate how this happens to him, he doesn't deserve it. My friend in class today was shocked to know that he is only 65. He also is very healthy and eats only things with no salt..So I really don't understand...And then my grandma...I want to like kill her..
It is bad enough that she embarrassed me by being drugged out the night we had dinner there (Jackson and I)...But then she is drugged out today...Falls asleep in the room while my pop-pop is waiting to go in...and then sleeps in the waiting room..She also invited our family friends to come from california to help and visit...and what does she do? She is in bed when they arrived on Saturday morning...and didn't wake up AT ALL until they left this morning..They had to DRAG her to the hospital...And now they are stuck with her at home...So I hope they just leave her ass there and go out...At least until my pop-pop is home in a few days...God she pisses me off....I swear over dosing is not to far off in the future...I guess some people just don't learn..
Well now my baby is here...So I should get going..Talk to you all later.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Hey peoples...

Today is going alright. I am in a pretty good mood, and feel like getting homework done..My mom keeps getting on my case, but that isn't out of the ordinary..lol I just have a lot more homework to do...
I still miss Jackson a lot and I keep thinking about him, but it is better today than yesterday...I haven't heard from him yet today, but I know he is with his dad. I guess his dad left this morning to go out and see him so...At least he has him..I got to talk to him last night though..He sounded very tired..and he did some "things" yesterday with Jake..So that made him even more tired...that boy, I can't believe him sometimes...lol But I love him more than anything else.
Well I thought I would update to say that I am doing well....And that today went better, especially since I only went to a class that was 30 minutes long...I wish all classes were like that..lol Well I will talk to you all later! See ya!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Well the day is finally here...

Well Jackson leaves here in about an hour or so. I don't think I am going to handle this too well..But I don't want him to know that. I know he worries since all that happened yesterday, and no matter what I say, it doesn't seem to get him to stop thinking about it. I have never had someone (male that is) care for me like that. It is something I am shocked to have, and very grateful as well. I pray he just has fun and doesn't think about anything unpleasant while he is gone. I told myself that I would deal with this, but it just isn't working that way.
Yesterday was a hard day. One I never want to repeat again, and one that I still feel the effects of today. But I know the pain will go away in a few days, I just pray that my eyebrow ring doesn't become infected. And today after I see Jackson off I am going to go get new glasses. I hope they have the same pair I was wearing, I really liked those ones. These old ones are giving me even a more worse headache than what I already have. Sorry to be bitching in here about this...I just don't know where else to go.
My Pop-pop will be having quadruple bypass surgery in about two weeks. I guess when they went in yesterday morning, they found blockage in all four chambers of his heart...He seems to be unphased by the whole thing, I wish I could be like that in my life. But then again I just wish all the damn bullshit would end. But it won't. Not as long as my father still lives at home..I just have to wait two more months for it to happen all over again. It's like clock work...He either waits until my grandpa goes in for surgery (He moved all of our shit outside and in a car and changed the locks when my grandpa was in the hospital for a stroke two years ago) or wait about two months and flips out. I want so bad to call the chick that caused this and thank her for the fact that she nicely pushed him into beating the shit out of me. But then again I am pissed that he is still living at home and gets away with it yet again. But life ain't fair I suppose.
On a lighter note, I will be keeping busy until Jackson is back on Sunday. I plan to do a shit load of homework and get some things together for Jackson's birthday, What better time to do it, when he isn't here. I am also going Paintballing on Saturday morning with Amanda and then for their birthday. I guess Manda's, Karen's and Dana's birthdays are like a week or two apart. But I have to be to her house by 6:30AM that morning...So I am making sure I go to bed early the night before. I don't want to be dead tired for it. I also plan to stay either in my room or out until it is time to come home and go to bed. My mom promised nothing would happen to me, and she stopped him the last time, but she isn't strong enough to really stop him if he gets going. So I just as soon avoid it all together. He also plans to stay at his fucking dumb ass hotel until about 9PM or so each night, so that helps. As long as he doesn't talk to me, then we are fine. So if anyone wants to hang out, please call me, it would be a great help to me.
Well now you know what my lovely weekend was like...I should get going soon here, I have to pick up what I missed in PHT yesterday...I wasn't in any shape to go...Well have a terrific week peoples, and call me!

Monday, April 18, 2005

I only have a few minutes!

I am kinda in a hurry, but I felt the need to post something....I want the WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW...I LOVE JACKSON....I WANT EVERYONE WHO COULD POSSIBLY READ THIS JOURNAL ONLINE TO KNOW THAT I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHNG IN THE WORLD. He means more to me than I could ever imagine a person's value being. He's my everything. He makes it alright, no matter what happens to me. And I can never forget it, because just thinking of him makes me remember it and I think about him every second I can. He is the best man I could have ever found in my life. He will be the only man I am ever with and love this much. He has my heart and always will. And I want everyone to know that. That I am in love more than I could ever imagine myself being. I have found my one, and I can not be more happy or put into words how much I feel at this point. I just needed to put that in writing for everyone to see. Thank-you baby!!!! I love you!!!!!

P.S. I hope Christina feels better and I want her to know she is in my prayers. If you need anything honey let me know! I will help you as much as I possibly can! You and Eric take care!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

this is not Ashley...

If you didn't figure out from the title, this is not Ashley typing. for some reason I am typing in her blog. I really don't have any idea as to what I am going to say but I am typing anways.
I think we are going to go out on Saturday night and do stuff and things, and then we are going to go to the fair I think on next thursday maybe.
well I'm going to go update my Awsome Blog that you should read

Love you baby!!!

later fools!!!



"You say that love goes anywhere. In your darkest time it's just enough to know it's there..."
Jimmy Eat World

I absolutely love those lyrics. I was sitting in the car today listening to the song and it was like a total epiphany. I especially like the part about at your darkest time, it is just enough to know it is there. It is true...When things get really rough and you want to let go and give up, true love will get you by. I haven't had one of the moments where it was really bad..But I know if I did, it would be the same. Just thinking about the person I am in love with is enough for me. I love going to bed each night knowing that when I wake up I will be seeing the person who is in love with me as well..And it helps that the person I am in love with is also in love with me...It is hard to love someone who doesn't love you back. I have liked people a lot and it was hard enough if they didn't like me back.
Don't ask why I am getting on this topic...That song really threw me...Now I am in that sentimental mood...The one where you are all lovey dovey, unless something upsets you...Then I could like bust out crying at any moment..DAMN HORMONES....lol But I am totally happy right now, and I doubt something bad will happen...Nothing can as far as I know...lol
Well on a different note...Today was an EASY day of school. I went to honors and then we just goofed around in Biology...He was upset (my bio teacher) that I didn't call or email that I was sick..But I told him I felt like shit and never left bed..So he is letting me take the test on Tuesday in the testing center...But I heard from EVERYONE that it is a HARD test..So I have to study my ass off this weekend. I have a shit load of homework and studying to do this weekend. I have at least a seven page paper, plus the research and works cited page to do for Writing...I still need to get all the statistics before I can write it..I also have to study for the bio test...Extra hard because it is going to be hard...And then do my 50 pages reading and studying for PHT...If I can get A's on the quizzes and the final I can hopefully and A or a B in the class...I also have Jackson's race on Sunday that is three hours...I look forward to that as a time to get away from homework...And I get to see my baby kick ass in a race. So at least I have that to look forward to...I am also hoping that MY BABY WILL WANNA DO A DATE NIGHT THIS WEEKEND...Which would be a chance to take a break from homework and do something fun...I kinda want to go to Applebee's...Maybe get everyone together and go...It doesn't have to be just me and my baby..It would be cool to have Michelle, Miri, Christina and Eric go along as well..I want to see everyone!!!!!
Michelle told me today that she wants to go back for another tattoo...I thought about adding to the one I have...Since it isn't as long as I want..But I want to tone my tummy a little before I do that...HAHAHAHA like I am ever going to do that...But I think I could, I just need the will power to do it..It isn't like I eat a whole lot now anyway...I would just have to do stomach crunches or something..Jeez I sound like I know what I am doing..lol I don't know I will figure out something...lol But I will go with her when she gets it done...Just to watch...Jackson wants us to go while he is gone...Which leads me to believe he doesn't want to go and watch it...So...I don't know..
Well I am done for now I guess..I came on to do research for my paper..and well, I haven't even started..Instead I vented in this journal about stupid shit..But at least I got it all out..lol talk to you all later!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Almost better...

Well being sick with a damn cold sucks major ass...But the worst part is sitting at home, wondering how my teachers are going to be when I tell them I was sick and missed class...I have one teacher, my bio teacher, who says that anyone who misses a test, loses the 200 points for the test..Which is friggin' stupid if you want my opinion...I have a cold, one that is contagious, couldn't see last night, had a stuffy nose and the whole nine yards...You think I am going to go to school and take a test? Ummm kiss my butt...I know I probably should have stayed home this weekend, but I was under the impression that I was not going to stop my life, just because of a little cold...and now...I paid the price...But it is ok, I made up the work and will study for bio tonight...So it is all ok for now...
Other than that, there isn't a whole lot going on. My PHT teacher realized she gave the midterm a week early and says we can make it up...But all the available times are when I have class...She has screwed me over twice now...And I am kinda mad...I will just stick with the grade and if I don't get an A or B at the end of the semester...Her and I will have a nice little "chat"....And I doubt she wants that to happen..lol
Umm...There is a race on Sunday here in Tucson for Jackson..Well the race isn't for him, but he is going to be in it...That I plan to go to..I figure I should be completely over this cold by Friday...Cause that will have been over a week...since I started with it...lol
Well that is all for now. I figured I would update while my article was printing...So I will talk to you all later. Miss you all!